The Booger Hardens and Begins to Loosen

The House stood on a grassy lawn along the stretch of a forested backroad.It was a strange house,part Victorian,part Cape.Two cars,a '69 Mustang and a '71 bug,took up most of the driveway.Rusted Harley parts piled up next to the cellar hatch doors.The eerie hum of locusts gave the odd-looking house an even more foreboding air.

The master bedroom of this peculiar house was practically wallpapered with blacklight posters,wildly illustrated concert flyers,and anatomy charts.The shelves were lined with Banana Splits and H.R. Puff-n-stuff figures,vintage Micronauts toys,and countless devil figurines of various description.The smell of jasmine incense permeated the air.

In this room sat Brad,a lanky man in his 30's with reddish-brown skin and short black hair.He was clad in a flannel shirt and a ratty pair of S.W.A.T. trousers.A live Hawkwind bootleg blared in the background as he painstakingly painted the skeleton of a bat in psychedelic colors while mumbling along to the poem "Sonic Attack".

Just then,his concentration was shattered by the doorbell.The "bell" in question was actually an antique car horn rigged to his room.For reasons unexplained to few outsiders,it was decided that only Brad,and not his roommates,would be allowed to answer the door.Brad moseyed his way to the front door,mumbling"Aright,aright- hold ya fuckin' hawses..."as the annoying "AA-OOGA"of the horn cut through the music.

He was greeted at the door with Dwayne's grinning countenance."Well,look who decided to show up- about TWO FRIGGIN' DAYS LATE,"Brad half scowled."They still here?"inquired Dwayne nonchallantly."That was the WHOLE POINT,knucklehead.They were in the middle of a fuckin' TOUR,for cryin' out loud."
"Well goddamn,Injun Joe- you don't need to get all bent out of shape about it.How was the jammin'?"
"Ya missed it,man.We hammered out some Miles,alittle Mahavishnu,some Dead.They even brought a couple of their own riffs that we rode into the ground.Oh yeah,some Sun Ra,too."
"How in the Hell do you cover SUN RA??"
"If you're a real musician,you don't even need to ask that."
"Oh,Jesus- is this the part where you go into that whole bullshit mystical Indian mumbo-jumbo about 'the music playing the musician'?No WONDER you people got conquered,"smirked Dwayne.One of his favorite things to do was to race bait Brad.Not out of actual hatred.Just for the hell of it.He loved Brad's angry little comebacks.And sure enough,right on schedule...
"Go fuck yaself,Aryan Grace.Ya white ass couldn't even whistle 'Dixie'in the middle of a country-bama county fair surrounded by Klansmen".There was a short pause,broken as the two friends started snickering uncontrollably."Getcha blitzkrieg ass in here,fucka.I got some smoke."
"That sounds like a plan to me,Pocahantas!"

The two of them sat in the living room,sharing a Kiwi-flavored hookah,and talking about various things- Coop's art,the latest recording technology,women they wanted to ball,etc.Dwayne took another drag and shook his mangey blond locks."Damn,Sittin' Bull- I like how you got hip to this hookah buisness.I figured you'd be passing me a peace pipe."Brad,true to form,replied"Well,ya mutha gave me this thing after she and I 69'd each other on the 4th of July.She didn't have no money,ya see."For the past hour Brad couldn't help but to notice Dwayne's unusual nervous mannerisms."Okay- WHAT have you been up to?"

Dwayne,constantly running is hand through his greasy-looking hair,nervously blurted "I need a place to stay for about a week.Now bare with me..."He explained in detail how he'd followed an obnoxious family home from his job,sedated the children,and

"Oh yeah,right- you skullfucked the mom and burned the dad with an iron,right?I remember,"smiled Brad.Dwayne looked like he had seen a ghost."WHOA!!!How the FUCK do you know about this???Is this some kind of fucking Indian mind-reading spiritual shit??"
"Yo,Lone Ranger- it's in your fuckin' BLOG!Or did ya forget?You only posted the friggin' thing last night!!"
"FUCK!!!Fuckin' FUCK!!!I posted a BLOG about this shit??I COULDN'T have!There's NO WAY I woulda.."Dwayne grew a sickly pale.Brad sighed heavily."So yeah,you can stay here,'cuz I know it's really about some girlfriend shit,right?"
"You're telling me that you don't believe me??"
"Dwayne,don't make a fuck outta me.You think I'm stupid??Who the HELL would do something crazy like this,NOT get caught,AND,to top it off,WRITE A FRICKIN' BLOG ABOUT IT??Truth is,I don't WANNA know what you've REALLY been up to.Stay here and keep a low profile,if ya gotta.Gotta know somethin',though.."
"What?"asked a bewildered Dwayne.
"How come you didn't do the thing with the napalm birthday candle dick?"